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Friday, June 17, 2016

a blessing in disguise

This is the end of my 4th semester in college. Day by day i feel like the burden is more heavy, sometimes it feels like too heavy to bear. Today’s conversation with the team has made me realized that i bear such a heavy burden. It could be so much easier if i just follow the college mainstream, i mean immediately go home and study and do the homework. But it is definitely not so me to do it. But i’m still grateful that i got team that can get along with me. We even can still laugh despite we know that the path we’ll going through is going to be hard.

The next--or the next two--semester will be hard times. Maybe it will be more difficult than the circumstances i face in senior high. Saat masih mendaki b u k i t  d u r i yg bener2 t e r j a l n y a  b u k i t  t a j a m n y a d u ri (biar gabisa di search, bye). I know the risk, i know that it's not going to be easy, i know that it is probably going to be my hardest time since the family things are also come up and it is going to be more intense than these previous years. Despite everything, hopefully it’s going to be worth it at the end.

One thing i should be grateful of this circumstances is, people gonna show their real face to you when you’re at your lowest point in life. They, who you first thought caring you can be the least person who caring you, or even won’t care at all. People can be deceiving when you’re at your high point. So it is actually like blessing in disguise. People always said they will help in the beginning. But not all the people who said that gonna keep their words until the end. I’ve already felt it when i took a long period responsibility, and you know, it’s exactly what i said. So, lessons learned.

Because the one who cares, never ever leave you at your lowest, and therefore they are the one who deserves to be with you at your highest. Well I think it's already begin now. I just wanna wait and see, who stuck with me til the end this time. Well i appreciate people who stay with me at the good times but the one who stay with me through the bad and the good times are million times more worthy for me tho. And well i’m not a Goddess who can do anything, or overcome everything. I’m just an ordinary human, with all the mundane things. Laughing, crying, sad, smile, happy, exhilarate, fear, delight, angry, pleasant, disappointed, passionate, are definitely my things. I am imperfect.

Beauty is not long hair, skinny legs, tanned skin or perfect teeth. Believe me. Beauty is the face of who cried and now smiles, beauty is the scar on your knee since you fell when you were a kid, beauty is the circles when love doesn’t let you sleep, beauty is the expression on the face when the alarm rings in the morning, it’s the melted makeup when you have a shower, it’s the laughter when you make joke you’re the only one can understand, beauty is meeting his gaze and stopping understanding, beauty is your gaze when you see him, it’s when you cry for all your paranoias, beauty is the lines marked by time. Beauty is what we feel in the inside which also shows outside us. Beauty is the marks the life leaves on us, all the kicks and caresses the memories leave us. Beauty is letting yourself live.
-Emma Watson

And i choose to letting myself live. So if people leave me because of my imperfection, well, i am grateful. Because if they are really care, they will stay. Either accept me, or to change me to someone better, or completed me. Life is simply showing me who cares enough to stay. So, i just have to let them go, without regret. And all the--formerly--words which left unsaid from me are just another privilege at this rate. I am grateful for not saying those words. Thank God.

Letting go means coming to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.
 -Old Skool

Well whatever i'm going to face, i think i'm gonna utilize this looong holiday in the best way i can so i'm gonna be full charged when i first face the next semester and ready to overcome any challenges. Btw i'm just about 11 hours away from jkt yay yay happy happy can't wait!!! Hanging out with my mama and sis most of the time, playing my old piano, and there’s also a plan to get away from java island with a good friend, and hopefully it’s not going to be just wacana. And hopefully i’m not going to be kerdus since the island is soooo beautiful and so many beaches there yo. Nope, bukan bali bukan lombok, bosen (congkak, padahal terakhir kesana gratisan). Holiday here i comeee*\:D/*

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